Flamen yawn and other Southern idioms
Posted: November 10, 2008 9:31 amFiled under: Kevin, Uncategorized, internet
I was reading something on the World Wired Web. You know… the thing called the “Internet.”
In fact, I learnt a new word - “flamen.”
The dictionary said “flamen” was a Latin derived word, which meant “a priest, especially of an ancient Roman deity.”
Now to me, that’s kinda’ strange, ’cause I always thought a flamen was what those white-sheeted goomers did to somebody’s house they didn’t like. You know… they flamed it.
Of course, others tell me that flamen is what some folks do on the Internet. It’s kinda’ like screamin’.
Now about those TSA screamers, well, every time I fly the so-called friendly skies, they want to feel my laticibles when their magic wand goes beeping around my midparts. Now, I don’t have any metal implants anywhere, but my girlfriend sure thinks so! She says things like, “…if it can only get through your hard head.”
Damn, I hate that like hell! I mean, feeling me up in public… and by a man to boot! That really makes me want to scream, and not with pleasure!
But we were talking about flamen, not screamers.
And yet there are others for whom flamen means that they’re gay. Not happy, but homosectional. They’re a world apart, you know. And the weird part is that they want to get married!
Well, that’s just plain queer, if you ask me. I mean, can you imagine this dialogue?
Man: “Honey, I’m home!”
Man: “Did you remember to get milk?”
Man: “No, I completely forgot.”
Man: “Where have you been all day?”
Man: “We had a meeting at the office which took all the day. That’s why I didn’t call.”
Man: “You never call me!”
Man: “That’s not true!”
Man: “Yes it is!”
Man: “You always say that!”
Man: “Is that lipstick is that on your collar?”
Man: “I want a divorce.”
Man: “Well, you don’t look good in those Speedos anymore.”
Man: “And you know what beer does to your figure.”
Man: “You only wanted me for my body!”
Yuck!
Now THAT’s flamen!
And then, there’s another type of flamen.
Fact is, “flamen” is that steak-like thingy you eat in fancy restaurants. And they’re usually not the kind that serve corn dogs, otherwise known as ’steak on a stick’.
You know, flamen is a small round piece of cow wrapped in bacon. I never have understood why they’re so dang tiny. And when it’s boring, it’s flamen yawn.
If it was so bad to be flamen yawn, you gotta’ wonder what hap’ent!
It could be that it was exposed to fire much more than it should’ve been. Which would have meant it was flamed. Now, if you cook over fire - like God meant for man to do (J’ever notice? All the really good restaurants use gas!) - then you would be flamen it.
And the iron workers’ world has invaded the kitchen! Just watch ‘em sometime. If chef d’ouve makes that creme broulee, he whips out the flamen torch to carmelize the sugar.
I understand that there are some fast food restaurants that specialize in flamen. In the south, it’s called Hardees. And on the west coast, it’s called Carl’s Jr. It’s the same thing, though.
Maybe that’s the meaning of flamen yawn. It’s when something’s been exposed ta’ too much fire.
Somebody told me that flay means to “to beat the crap outta’ somebody.”
So to flamen would mean be to be beating the crap out of men. And then, it makes me wonder about that Bobby guy I sometimes see on FoodTV. Reckon who he’s beatin’ the crap out of… and why?
Maybe he’s flamen that Japanese cook-off in Samurai Stadium. It’s a crazy teevee show where they give three chefs weird stuff to cook. On one show, they gave ‘em electric eel, quail eggs, capers, bananas and rice. What the hell do you do with that? Use the eel to power the blender?
The results were shocking, to say the least.
Mark Twain is supposed to have said, “A human being has a natural desire to have more of a good thing than he needs.”
Yeah, but did he know about flamen?
That’s my sign to quit while I’m ahead. It kinda’ reminds me of the moral to the Chatty Kathy story. But that’s for another time.
And there you have it.
Flamen.
It has nothing to do with some ancient Roman religion. It’s all about pain and food.
Sounds kinda’ like indigestion.
Reckon it was Italian food?
Chow! (That’s either what my dog used to eat, or the Italian way of saying, “bye bye!”)
November 11th, 2008 at 11:18 am
Food & eating is a prominent feature in Southern dialect.
One of my favorite ‘Southrun’ language examples, often heard as lunch time approaches - can only be rendered phonetically as it sounds (then loosely translated).
Bubber> “Jyeech-yet ?” (Did you eat yet ?)
Jo-Jo> “Node Joo ?” (No, Did you ?)
Bubber> “Sqweeet !” (Let’s go eat !)
Jo-Jo> “Esgo see what Mommer’nems havin…”
(Let us go and see what Mother and them are having…)
I can report this with some authority, as I have been a party involved in such discussions - in so many words.
Thanks /;^)