Three Times Three
Posted: February 10, 2009 2:07 pmFiled under: Kevin, reflection
I have a female friend whom I’d not heard from in quite some time.
One Sunday afternoon while knocking around and photographing in downtown Fresno, CA, I received a phone call. It was her.
She explained that she’d gone through some difficult times and had withdrawn from relationship with many, but was “over the hump,” and that her life was returning to normal.
So, we began talking on a regular basis. I enjoyed her conversations. Friendship is good.
As friendships do, we began to share things about ourselves, our feelings, our emotions and developing a level of trust with each other based upon acceptance and respect.
Though she was not totally “out of the woods” with respect for the issues previously bothering her, I began to sense that she was bothered by something about which I could not get a clear answer from her.
When finally she “came clean” with me about what was bothering her, I listened without criticism. Sometimes, that’s what we all need. It’s difficult to say what we might do if we were in anothers’ situation.
When we concluded our conversation, I reflected upon what she shared and wanted to provide some encouragement in a non-confrontational manner.
So, I send a “food for thought” text message which encouraged her to “think about” the ramifications of the issue which she had shared with me. It was non-judgmental in nature and tone.
Later, when we spoke again, she seemed peeved about my actions. I attempted to clarify that my intentions were not judgmental or condemning. It seemed that she accepted what I said, and though she had mistakenly held some hard feelings, she said she had released them, and me from them.
A few days later in conversation, she, in an exasperated and clearly angry tone, bluntly told me, “how dare you…!,” blah, blah, blah… and lashed out at me, mentioning to me in an accusatory and hurtful way something which I had shared with her in confidence and honesty. In other words, she used my honesty and truth (my vulnerability) which I had shared with her, against me - much like a weapon.
Unwisely, rather than simply listening, I engaged in an exchange of hard words. It was an angry and bitter repartee.
Though at the time, it felt good to try and verbally hurt someone else whom had hurt me, later I was remorseful to the point of tears.
What do you say to someone whom angrily says, “don’t call me!” Hell, she was the one calling me. I didn’t care. I want and need friends. So I purposed I would eat some pie.
You know the kind I’m talking about… it has a unique flavor which we frequently need to feed upon. It’s Humble Pie.
I searched high and low for a card that would say only three things.
Some of the cards I saw had so many words, none which expressed my thoughts. So many words had been exchanged, yet I only needed nine.
Right or wrong, it made no difference. I wasn’t interested in Right v Wrong. I was interested in doing it for me. It was bothering me. I needed forgiveness, so I had to give it. I had some self-interest… fascinating to consider the implications, eh?
I searched at several stores. It was a challenge to find an appropriately simple card. It was more difficult than I had imagined.
Apparently, apologizing is not in vogue. That pie must not be popular. Maybe it’s the flavor. I don’t know.
Finally, I found one that said, “I’m sorry.”
I bought it, and inside I wrote my heart. It wasn’t long. I only needed three sentences and nine words.
“I was wrong.
“I am sorry.
“Please forgive me.”
- Kevin
